So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
