so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
