we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
