I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
