I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
