I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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