I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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