I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
