my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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