i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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