Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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