it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
