Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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