This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
