Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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