Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
