i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
