addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
