i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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