There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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