does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You are the jesus of drinking
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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