Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
