Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
