At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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