i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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