Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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