Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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