Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
