you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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