Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So much Jack, so little girl.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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