one two three fourrrrnication!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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