By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
