small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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