ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
