Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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