Soap is not a condiment
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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