worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
