i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
