You work out of a Hotel?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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