So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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