You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
