It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
