last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
