Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
