Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this beer tastes like vomit already
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
