They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I FOUND THE LEGS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
