you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
