I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
