You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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