TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
