Me. At least after what I've been through.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
