idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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