Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
