i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
