The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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