she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize