there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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