I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
