So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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