the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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