This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
