My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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