So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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