so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
