I can text with my tongue
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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