well I can't set my house on fire every night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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