We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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