Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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