if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
