i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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