i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
