Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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