If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
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can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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