i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
