In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
