Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
