if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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