im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
