i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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