remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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