ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
