Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
