I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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