Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
