I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
